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What is Today?

What is today? The 8th? Tomorrow is garbage day so that must make today Wednesday. It is hard to know anything when you've got the flu. On Sunday, or even as early as Saturday night, I began to feel achy and tired. Then, Blam! It hit me like a cannon ball. Monday night was the worst and last night was not much better either. It's worse than COVID, but only by a little. Twice I tested myself (for COVID), once on Monday and once today and both were negative. I'm doing my best to rest but I'm miserable and depressed.

The sun came out today and I could not help but go for a walk down the bluff. Nearly all of the snow has melted and I thought perhaps I could get lucky as spot my first wildflower of the season. But it is much too early, like I guessed. There are signs of life stirring, however, even if they are not flowers. In the sandy gravel among the pine needles many winter annuals have germinated and the toad-flax is pushing out some lower basal buds in preparation for flowering later this spring and summer. I plucked 3 spent yarrow blooms with the goal that I would draw them. Climbing back up the hill was tough, but I was in no hurry.

Mom had 3 teeth pulled this morning and when I called her at lunch time, she was not doing well. The pain killers Aunt Jan gave her (from Jan's knee surgery several months ago) caused her to vomit. Then, after taking an anti-nausea capsule, Mom tried a half dose. I'm kind of worried about her, especially after she mentioned her chest was hurting. I wish I was closer to help and keep an eye on her but I'm all the way up here in Spokane. Fortunately, Aunt Jan is a retired doctor and ready and willing to help out in an emergency.

But am I okay? Well, excluding the flu and me worrying about Mom, mostly. It seems my ADD is the worst it's ever been and creating artwork is terrifying me. I look at all my successful pieces from the past and recall their challenges and sufferings and I don't know if I want to do that. It's similar with running - you have to challenge yourself and suffer, a little, if you want to grow and get better. The same thing is true for tomato plants grown outside in hostile weather versus indoors in perfect weather. Tomato plants grown inside are tall, leggy, and weak, (and without great flavor) while those grown outside are thick and strong (because of the wind and rain) and flavorful. I know that suffering is required for success but I don't know if I have the mojo to go all in like I was in the beginning. Perhaps it's time to reacquaint myself with "Zen Mind, Beginners Mind".

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